I was 23 with a mullet doing lots of jerk-off material.I can't look at the old tapes now.

Steal my stuff off the internet wherever you can and don't apologize. Buy the CDs and DVDs from my site and feel free to burn 'em and share 'em. Then come to the show.

All illegal narcotics are medicinal. Boredom is a disease worse than cancer. Drugs cure it, with little or no side effects if used as directed. Life's temporary for a reason, it gets boring after awhile. You should be inventing new drugs is what you should be doing! Newer, crazier drugs... and more holes, that's what you ladies need!

They never differentiate between drug users and drug addicts... I've done most drugs there are socially, I never had a problem.

Pussy really is the ultimate motivator of all mankind. No, don't clap, this is a flaw in the system!

That's why cocaine is illegal - it makes pussy too easy to get.

Excess in moderation: don't drink a few beers every day after work, wait 'till the end of the month and drink all the beers at once.