There's a fine line between being a sicko and an adventurous spirit.

There are some occasions in which a man must tell half his secret, in order to conceal the rest; but there is seldom one in which a man should tell all. Great skill is necessary to know how far to go, and where to stop.

Doing stand-up takes the fun out of being funny.

When I used to drive on the road from L. A., one time in Arizona we went off-road to see what weird little towns are around. Loved Bisbee.

Have you ever thought about registering as a sex offender just so your friends won't bring their kids over to your house?

If you tell me you are going to kill yourself, I'm not going to try to talk you out of it.

People talk to you and they try to convince you that they like what they do just because it sucks less than what they used to do... which sucked a lot.