There are some occasions in which a man must tell half his secret, in order to conceal the rest; but there is seldom one in which a man should tell all. Great skill is necessary to know how far to go, and where to stop.

If you get made fun of working at Pier One Imports, you can't pelt them with poop.

Separation of Church and State is the perineum of America and the episiotomy didn't hold.

Mutations are exciting, there aren't nearly enough of them.

What did you learn in school that you still use today? Go ahead teachers, tell me. What? Fear, conformity, don't question authority.

Child pornography is the only crime that you cannot report to the police as an eyewitness.

I've been doing a lot of drugs in the last few weeks and drinking less, and I feel much better.