The Mind is everything. Do drugs. But just don't have drugs.

When you come out of that pink ugly hole onto this planet you're nothing but a gooey shrieking wrinkled ball of weakness.

I have the kind of show that reminds you of your problems, and then I talk about other problems you didn't even know you had until tonight.

I think it's probably much easier to do political comedy from a two-party point of view, in that the majority have some sense of what it means to be one or the other.

I've been doing a lot of drugs in the last few weeks and drinking less, and I feel much better.

I'm in a perfect position. I don't want to be more famous and I can't lose sponsors, so I can say anything I want.

Mutations are exciting. They try to fix 'em when they come out. Did you see the two-headed baby they killed last month when they tried to cut it apart? That was hilarious!