The Mind is everything. Do drugs. But just don't have drugs.

Get the right to marry - and then don't.

If you get offended by words - by noises we make with our mouths - it means you were raised by bad parents.

Just for being a religion at all you're as complicit as the rest in the retardation of the human intellectual progress.

Comedy can always be taken the wrong way. If I do a bit that is meant to diffuse racism or sexism, Im not going to avoid it on the chance that a small portion of the audience might take it the wrong way.

Statistical high Vegas odds probability is that nothing of any significance will ever happen to you in your entire boring life.

When I used to drive on the road from L. A., one time in Arizona we went off-road to see what weird little towns are around. Loved Bisbee.