Everything that is going to kill you is extremely appetizing.

Some people just join the military because they need college money. Then they're idiots and college wasn't going to help.

Jesus died for your sins. I'm doing it for your mere entertainment dollar.

I've been doing a lot of drugs in the last few weeks and drinking less, and I feel much better.

My mother was always the one with the dark, really filthy sense of humor. She was a vulgar woman. She used to tell me to do comedy before I even tried it. She was always up for any gag.

Whatever your problems are, keep in mind that you die at the end of all this. Lets get out there, brutalize ourselves and laugh at those certain pricks who take it seriously, like there is any way to win in all this.

All illegal narcotics are medicinal. Boredom is a disease worse than cancer. Drugs cure it, with little or no side effects if used as directed. Life's temporary for a reason, it gets boring after awhile. You should be inventing new drugs is what you should be doing! Newer, crazier drugs... and more holes, that's what you ladies need!