They say 'life is precious'. To who? To you, when you're young and you've got a few dollars in your pocket. Tell that to the 90-year-old lying awake at the graveyard shift in the nursing home, groaning with dementia. The only reason he hasn't killed himself is that he hasn't figured out a way he can do it with pudding.

I sometimes wonder if necrophiliacs are really into dead people or if they just enjoy the quiet.

I was 23 with a mullet doing lots of jerk-off material.I can't look at the old tapes now.

The Unbookables are supposed to be unbookable. That's what it's all about.

Sex is a very narrow avenue. You only have so many holes and parts, and eventually, you run out of things to do.

I have the kind of show that reminds you of your problems, and then I talk about other problems you didn't even know you had until tonight.

I go on stage, it's like I'm leading you into battle; you are not all going to be here at the end.