They say 'life is precious'. To who? To you, when you're young and you've got a few dollars in your pocket. Tell that to the 90-year-old lying awake at the graveyard shift in the nursing home, groaning with dementia. The only reason he hasn't killed himself is that he hasn't figured out a way he can do it with pudding.
Doug StanhopeI was terrified when my doctor told me that I had a unique and interesting personality trait, but then he told me about new Zoloft or Prozac and now I just take three pills a day and I blend right into this horrible inbred corporate landscape.
Doug StanhopeThere's nothing funnier than getting a death threat via MySpace. Why don't you just write it in a children's birthday card.
Doug StanhopeI immediately split the crowd. I thought about coming on every night and shouting, 'Gay pride, white power!' just to confuse people.
Doug Stanhope