Raccoons don't need to do poppers in order to come while they're having anonymous same-sex interludes in a highway rest area.

He's my usual type of fan... a school shooter who didn't have bullets and now he's all awkward and alone.

There's only two types of people who are against drugs: the people who have never done drugs and the people who really sucked at doing drugs.

I've been playing the CNN Drinking Game, have you ever played that? Where you do a shot every time George Bush says the word "evil"? Oh, I'm a wreck! You gotta do a double shot every time he says "evildoers". Chug the bottle for "axis of evil". Are you a president or an exorcist?!

That place is so behind the times, you can't even get AIDS there yet.

Not only are the voices in your head real, but they're accurate as well.

At least black people knew when they were slaves; you remain clueless.