Raccoons don't need to do poppers in order to come while they're having anonymous same-sex interludes in a highway rest area.

I have a picture I keep in my wallet of my father's corpse... I keep that picture in my wallet to show people who show me baby pictures.

I couldn't be a responsible enough parent if my kid was born with a new suit and a full-time job.

I immediately split the crowd. I thought about coming on every night and shouting, 'Gay pride, white power!' just to confuse people.

Get the right to marry - and then don't.

That's why cocaine is illegal - it makes pussy too easy to get.

If I die soon, don't ever say I died too young.