Boredom is a disease worse than cancer. Drugs cure it.

Before modern medicine, would pussies just generally rot up inside you and fall out of you like spoiled oysters on the sidewalk?

Sex and children are the two things that delude logic the most in this society.

What ever happened to freak shows? Back in the twenties when elephant man was born at least he had a job waiting for him.

In 20 years of comedy, I've probably had a dozen good points.

The internet has done nothing but good for comedy all around. Comedians no longer have to rely on TV execs and club owners deciding if they are funny or not.

I am 42 years old and I have $9000, and I am out of ideas. I've nothing to spend it on. I'm bored shitless. I will die with that $9000.