Your sins are what make you fantastic. It's what makes you alive. You should wear your sins on your sleeve. You should be trying to top your sins on a daily basis.

Race, Religion, Ethnic Pride, Nationalism does nothing but teach you how to hate people you have never met

Comedy is like music; it builds on itself. Once someone comes up with a theory or a different way of doing things, people start to mimic it on some level. That's why you go back to the guys you loved in the 80s... and it just seems tired now, because it was all foundation.

The only way I thought I could do a greatest hits album is to do it in a prison where they have no f**king idea who I am. I'd do what I consider the best of those old, early CDs before I did DVDs. A women's prison would be even better, but it has to be English-speaking.

Excess in moderation: don't drink a few beers every day after work, wait 'till the end of the month and drink all the beers at once.

People talk to you and they try to convince you that they like what they do just because it sucks less than what they used to do... which sucked a lot.

The characteristic of a well-bred man is, to converse with his inferiors without insolence, and with his superiors with respect and with ease.