Your sins are what make you fantastic. It's what makes you alive. You should wear your sins on your sleeve. You should be trying to top your sins on a daily basis.

Just for being a religion at all you're as complicit as the rest in the retardation of the human intellectual progress.

If you're offended by any word in any language, it's probably because your parents were unfit to raise a child.

In 20 years of comedy, I've probably had a dozen good points.

You never hear in the news, "200 killed today when Atheist rebels took heavy shelling from the Agnostic stronghold in the north."

If I die soon, don't ever say I died too young.

Mutations are exciting. They try to fix 'em when they come out. Did you see the two-headed baby they killed last month when they tried to cut it apart? That was hilarious!