My mother was always the one with the dark, really filthy sense of humor. She was a vulgar woman. She used to tell me to do comedy before I even tried it. She was always up for any gag.

America takes credit for giving you freedom that you had anyway. It's like going to a wedding and putting your tag on somebody elses box.

Paralympics... fascinating because just watching anyone with a major disability trying to do everyday chores is fun to watch.

There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life.

The key to a good life: excess in moderation. They'll tell you moderation is the key to life, but that's bullshit.

Life is like animal porn, it's not for everyone.

If I die soon, don't ever say I died too young.