If I have to be a monotheist, y'know pick one, I'm picking vodka, it goes well with everything, all occasions.

Before modern medicine, would pussies just generally rot up inside you and fall out of you like spoiled oysters on the sidewalk?

If second hand smoke is killing that many people and nicotine is so addictive then why is no one addicted to second hand smoke?

They should raise the alcohol age to 60, so at least you'd have something to look forward to at this point.

My mother was always the one with the dark, really filthy sense of humor. She was a vulgar woman. She used to tell me to do comedy before I even tried it. She was always up for any gag.

Anything that I don't understand or can't do is stupid.

Your instinct is your true god. Follow it.