When you come out of that pink ugly hole onto this planet you're nothing but a gooey shrieking wrinkled ball of weakness.

There's times to be dainty and times to be a pig.

If I have to be a monotheist, y'know pick one, I'm picking vodka, it goes well with everything, all occasions.

I had no musical or athletic ability, and I wasnt particularly good looking. Comedy was something I could do for attention.

A real cop fights real crime. A vice cop's only job is to ruin the party.

The only legitimate excuse you could have for having a baby in those dire, war torn, famine struck conditions - would be to eat it.

High definition ruined a lot of things that I used to hold sacrosanct in pornography.