That's why cocaine is illegal - it makes pussy too easy to get.

The Unbookables are supposed to be unbookable. That's what it's all about.

They should raise the alcohol age to 60, so at least you'd have something to look forward to at this point.

Every vice is already a punishment in itself... you don't need a ticket on top of it.

My mother was always the one with the dark, really filthy sense of humor. She was a vulgar woman. She used to tell me to do comedy before I even tried it. She was always up for any gag.

Charlie Chaplin said something to the effect that humor is an act of defiance, that we must laugh in the face of our helplessness in the forces of nature or go insane. And where is he now? Dead.

There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life.