Charlie Chaplin said something to the effect that humor is an act of defiance, that we must laugh in the face of our helplessness in the forces of nature or go insane. And where is he now? Dead.

I love when you get boner spam for boner pills and the subject is Be a better lover. Oh, the boner was the problem on that? That's why I'm a bad lover? Do you have a pill that's gonna make me care if she cums? That would be a medical miracle.

Separation of Church and State is the perineum of America and the episiotomy didn't hold.

You do bits and you fake anger and you write a bit and you have passion for it. Then you do it too many times and you have to work up the anger... and I've never had to do that with Dr. Drew Pintsky. Dr. Drew is to medicine what David Blaine is to science.

I'd get demolitions experts to rig mother to implode like a skyscraper.

If you're offended by any word in any language, it's probably because your parents were unfit to raise a child.

Everything that is going to kill you is extremely appetizing.