You forget, when you're in the Scandinavian countries, you forget they don't speak English first and they speak better than I do.

Pussy really is the ultimate motivator of all mankind. No, don't clap, this is a flaw in the system!

My first open mic, I drank a full pitcher of beer by myself. I wasn't afraid of being in front of people as much as, Is this funny?

I recommend to you, in my last, an innocent piece of art: that of flattering people behind their backs, in presence of those who, to make their own court, much more than for your sake, will not fail to repeat, and even amplify, the praise to the party concerned. This is of all flattery the most pleasing, and consequently the most effectual.

Excess in moderation: don't drink a few beers every day after work, wait 'till the end of the month and drink all the beers at once.

I don't like life that much. It's not that big a deal for me... I don't want to know I have cancer till it's visible to the naked eye.

You have options when it comes to abortion now. It's not like 1955 when you just had to kick her down a staircase and hope for the best... you feed her a tapeworm and hope it takes a left at the Y.