You forget, when you're in the Scandinavian countries, you forget they don't speak English first and they speak better than I do.

Everything that is going to kill you is extremely appetizing.

I drink during every show. I can't remember the last show I did completely sober. It works for me. I use it as a tool. It's like steroids are for athletes. I'm looser and more self-confident. If I drank less, I wouldn't have been on stage this long.

You forget, when you're in the Scandinavian countries, you forget they don't speak English first and they speak better than I do.

Get the right to marry - and then don't.

I am 42 years old and I have $9000, and I am out of ideas. I've nothing to spend it on. I'm bored shitless. I will die with that $9000.

Doing stand-up takes the fun out of being funny.