People wrestle alligators but not once has someone done it without an audience.

I need you to love me, I don't like me, either, if that helps.

It was either me or Confucius that said the journey of a thousand miles begins with a vicious ass raping at airport security.

Child pornography is the only crime that you cannot report to the police as an eyewitness.

Religious tolerance. No! Zero tolerance for any type of religion.

I've never tried to drive my career in any particular direction. I've always been an in-the-moment, live-for-today guy. I've never had a goal, and nearly everything I've done has been an accident. I just play to me, and if I can amuse myself, I consider it a victory.

Controversial issues are always more interesting but I don't create material about a subject I have opinion on just because it's controversial. The most fun is having a point of view that the audience is generally against and presenting an argument that challenges their thinking.