Pot is to narcotics what herpes is to social diseases; it doesn't count cos it's not really dangerous and it's too easy to get.

Boredom is a disease worse than cancer. Drugs cure it.

If you tell me you are going to kill yourself, I'm not going to try to talk you out of it.

The only legitimate excuse you could have for having a baby in those dire, war torn, famine struck conditions - would be to eat it.

You're born absolutely free except for laws of nature, if you drink you get drunk, that's a law, if you get old you die, that's a law too; if you sit on a tack you will bleed from the ass, these are the only laws that you're born with.

I'll defend child pornography, how about that? What's wrong with seeing some child pornography? What if you watch child pornography because you find it hilarious? Then should it not a protected freedom of speech?

Comedy can always be taken the wrong way. If I do a bit that is meant to diffuse racism or sexism, Im not going to avoid it on the chance that a small portion of the audience might take it the wrong way.