Pot is to narcotics what herpes is to social diseases; it doesn't count cos it's not really dangerous and it's too easy to get.

Drugs support terrorism? No, your SUV supports terrorism.

Anything that I don't understand or can't do is stupid.

I think a lot of women look at prostitutes like they're scabs crossing an union picket line, where they go: You can't just go out and sell it for what it's worth, we're holding out for so much more!

People who want to kill other people are the last people I want to party with, because I get mouthy when I drink.

I'm in a perfect position. I don't want to be more famous and I can't lose sponsors, so I can say anything I want.

I do good things in my life, too. It's just that none of them are funny.