There's times to be dainty and times to be a pig.

Sex is a very narrow avenue. You only have so many holes and parts, and eventually, you run out of things to do.

I've had six or eight hookers in my life. I never woke up the next day thinking man I'm glad I got a hooker last night.

I was terrified when my doctor told me that I had a unique and interesting personality trait, but then he told me about new Zoloft or Prozac and now I just take three pills a day and I blend right into this horrible inbred corporate landscape.

Nothing against comedy clubs, they work. But when you're sitting with a tablecloth and a candle and an appetizer menu, three-drink minimum, it can feel more like a dinner theater than a live experience.

Why even moon a sorority girl if they can't see the swingy egg bag part of it?

I drank, smoked and did drugs to get where I'm at.