There's times to be dainty and times to be a pig.

I'm just funnier when I'm drunk. Not falling-down drunk, just drunk enough to lose the self-doubt.

Get the right to marry - and then don't.

Here's the path to sobriety: Play the Ron Paul drinking game. Watch CNN and take a drink every time someone says his name.

Before you ask for the people to rise up and take what's theirs, meet the people, because they're really, really, bafoons.

Your sins are what make you fantastic. It's what makes you alive. You should wear your sins on your sleeve. You should be trying to top your sins on a daily basis.

I'm a bit of a potty mouth. My dad used to wash out my mouth with soap, but that was just to get rid of any traces of his DNA.