I don't have a gun. But I think they level the playing field. I accept that there's really nothing you can do about it. It's like nuclear weapons; if they exist then eventually other people are going to have them. Maybe just take away people's motivation to use them.

You say you hate children and people always say the same thing; it would be different if it was your own child. Well what if it wasn't?

What ever happened to freak shows? Back in the twenties when elephant man was born at least he had a job waiting for him.

You're born absolutely free except for laws of nature, if you drink you get drunk, that's a law, if you get old you die, that's a law too; if you sit on a tack you will bleed from the ass, these are the only laws that you're born with.

Doing stand-up takes the fun out of being funny.

Have you ever thought about registering as a sex offender just so your friends won't bring their kids over to your house?

AA makes Scientology look credible.