I don't have a gun. But I think they level the playing field. I accept that there's really nothing you can do about it. It's like nuclear weapons; if they exist then eventually other people are going to have them. Maybe just take away people's motivation to use them.

Pussy really is the ultimate motivator of all mankind. No, don't clap, this is a flaw in the system!

AA makes Scientology look credible.

There's only two types of people who are against drugs: the people who have never done drugs and the people who really sucked at doing drugs.

I've had six or eight hookers in my life. I never woke up the next day thinking man I'm glad I got a hooker last night.

Love is such an arbitrary thing. I love my mom. I love pancakes.

Right at the end of the big wall of vibrators, $29.95, big rubber fist. Thirty bucks! Just in time for mothers day.