It was either me or Confucius that said the journey of a thousand miles begins with a vicious ass raping at airport security.

There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life.

I immediately split the crowd. I thought about coming on every night and shouting, 'Gay pride, white power!' just to confuse people.

I've been playing the CNN Drinking Game, have you ever played that? Where you do a shot every time George Bush says the word "evil"? Oh, I'm a wreck! You gotta do a double shot every time he says "evildoers". Chug the bottle for "axis of evil". Are you a president or an exorcist?!

I have no fear of death, except I hate waiting for it.

The whole institution of marriage itself really has no place in a progressive society.

If you really believe death leads to eternal bliss then why are you wearing a seatbelt?