Invent new drugs, that's what you should be doing... fight to get new weirder ones... and weirder establishments to do them in.

I used to be a partier, now I'm an alcoholic. It's all in who's judging you.

Sex is a very narrow avenue. You only have so many holes and parts, and eventually, you run out of things to do.

I'll defend child pornography, how about that? What's wrong with seeing some child pornography? What if you watch child pornography because you find it hilarious? Then should it not a protected freedom of speech?

Democracy is the worst kind of government, I'm sorry. Would you still call yourself a Christian if they elected a new Jesus every four years?

Raccoons don't need to do poppers in order to come while they're having anonymous same-sex interludes in a highway rest area.

I don't like being in the UK for every other reason aside from the show. It's aesthetically uncomfortable to me on almost every level for reasons that might sound petty but I can't get past. The audiences are far more challenging and while I wouldn't say I prefer it, I certainly need it to ward off my inherent laziness.