Paralympics... fascinating because just watching anyone with a major disability trying to do everyday chores is fun to watch.

Canada, the drinking age is 18, that's unnecessary. Nobody wants to get loaded around people who have hope and their whole lives still ahead of them.

Every 17 seconds a child dies on this planet from no clean drinking water. Good. Let's try to speed it up... there are too many people.

I used to do boiler room telemarketing for a living, like hardcore fraud stuff that gets busted on 60 Minutes every week.

I don't ever want to become Bill Maher where I have to find some strong opinion on something just because it's in the news. That's the guy that comes off like you have to be angry every week about new topics and snotty about something. That's what I'm trying to avoid.

Complaining that a comic is drunk is like going to a titty bar and complaining because your lapdancer is a communist.

Child pornography is the only crime that you cannot report to the police as an eyewitness.