Paralympics... fascinating because just watching anyone with a major disability trying to do everyday chores is fun to watch.

The whole acting and Hollywood [thing], it's just work to me. Stand-up comedy ruins you so badly for doing television. I don't really need to be known anymore than I am. The slight sliver of fame I do have is hard to deal with. If I was actually well-known - I don't even know what to say to people who are at my show when I walk into the venue, much less having waitresses in diners asking for my autograph.

"Close your mouth when you chew." That was my mother's big one.Why do people eat lunch together? I want to eat by myself. Chewing is one of the most revolting things to me. Wind makes me unnerved, too.

Mutations are exciting, there aren't nearly enough of them.

The key to a good life: excess in moderation. They'll tell you moderation is the key to life, but that's bullshit.

I used to do boiler room telemarketing for a living, like hardcore fraud stuff that gets busted on 60 Minutes every week.

Just for being a religion at all you're as complicit as the rest in the retardation of the human intellectual progress.