Here's the path to sobriety: Play the Ron Paul drinking game. Watch CNN and take a drink every time someone says his name.

Everybody's angry. They've got nothing to be angry at, so they're angry about nothing.

I've been doing a lot of drugs in the last few weeks and drinking less, and I feel much better.

What if I don't want a leader? Where does that vote go? I do good on my own. I don't want to be led.

Separation of Church and State is the perineum of America and the episiotomy didn't hold.

If I die soon, don't ever say I died too young.

The only way I thought I could do a greatest hits album is to do it in a prison where they have no f**king idea who I am. I'd do what I consider the best of those old, early CDs before I did DVDs. A women's prison would be even better, but it has to be English-speaking.