People hate people just cause they want someone different to hate.

I am a player in life, not an observer. I look at herpes the way you look at a scraped knee.

Do you ever wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and think, something's not accurate?

People wrestle alligators but not once has someone done it without an audience.

If you're going to kill yourself just do me one favor: say it was because of my act. Can you do that? I need the press.

Paralympics... fascinating because just watching anyone with a major disability trying to do everyday chores is fun to watch.

It was either me or Confucius that said the journey of a thousand miles begins with a vicious ass raping at airport security.