I'm forty four; I'm way closer to dead than I am life of the party.
There should be no such thing as a vice law. Every vice is only a bad habit, and the punishment is inherent in the act.
Doing stand-up takes the fun out of being funny.
Alcohol does not make ugly people attractive. It makes it so you could care less that they're ugly.
Drugs support terrorism? No, your SUV supports terrorism.
We have no healthcare and we have all the guns in the world, it makes you think twice before you start throwing punches in a bar.