The only legitimate excuse you could have for having a baby in those dire, war torn, famine struck conditions - would be to eat it.

Sex is a very narrow avenue. You only have so many holes and parts, and eventually, you run out of things to do.

Nothing against comedy clubs, they work. But when you're sitting with a tablecloth and a candle and an appetizer menu, three-drink minimum, it can feel more like a dinner theater than a live experience.

That's why cocaine is illegal - it makes pussy too easy to get.

The characteristic of a well-bred man is, to converse with his inferiors without insolence, and with his superiors with respect and with ease.

The fact is that really no comedian sets out to offend you. Some comics enjoy the challenge of taking a subject that is likely to be found offensive and trying to make it funny‚ but the object is still to make you laugh. Offense is only a calculated risk. It's highly unlikely that a comedian whose only goal was to repulse you would ever make it past an open-mic stage, far less build a long career of touring theatres and television appearances.

Mutations are exciting, there aren't nearly enough of them.