The only legitimate excuse you could have for having a baby in those dire, war torn, famine struck conditions - would be to eat it.

"This is Lakshmi Singh." It's like a tadpole dying in muck. Take a drink. Wet your mouth.

In 20 years of comedy, I've probably had a dozen good points.

Invent new drugs, that's what you should be doing... fight to get new weirder ones... and weirder establishments to do them in.

Love is such an arbitrary thing. I love my mom. I love pancakes.

I immediately split the crowd. I thought about coming on every night and shouting, 'Gay pride, white power!' just to confuse people.

There are some occasions in which a man must tell half his secret, in order to conceal the rest; but there is seldom one in which a man should tell all. Great skill is necessary to know how far to go, and where to stop.