Doing stand-up takes the fun out of being funny.

Race, Religion, Ethnic Pride, Nationalism does nothing but teach you how to hate people you have never met

Before you ask for the people to rise up and take what's theirs, meet the people, because they're really, really, bafoons.

Boredom is a disease worse than cancer. Drugs cure it.

I believe that everyone should be treated as an individual. Women should be treated equally in the right to vote, sure. But if Im paying to see a comedy, then I just want to see whos funniest, with everyone treated equally.

Steal my stuff off the internet wherever you can and don't apologize. Buy the CDs and DVDs from my site and feel free to burn 'em and share 'em. Then come to the show.

The Mind is everything. Do drugs. But just don't have drugs.