What I've lost in years I've gained in wisdom. Bullshit, I haven't learnt one thing in the last 15 years that hasn't just depressed me more.

I am 42 years old and I have $9000, and I am out of ideas. I've nothing to spend it on. I'm bored shitless. I will die with that $9000.

Get the right to marry - and then don't.

Child pornography is the only crime that you cannot report to the police as an eyewitness.

People wrestle alligators but not once has someone done it without an audience.

Do you ever wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and think, something's not accurate?

Every vice is already a punishment in itself... you don't need a ticket on top of it.