What ever happened to freak shows? Back in the twenties when elephant man was born at least he had a job waiting for him.

Love is such an arbitrary thing. I love my mom. I love pancakes.

Before you ask for the people to rise up and take what's theirs, meet the people, because they're really, really, bafoons.

People who want to kill other people are the last people I want to party with, because I get mouthy when I drink.

"Close your mouth when you chew." That was my mother's big one.Why do people eat lunch together? I want to eat by myself. Chewing is one of the most revolting things to me. Wind makes me unnerved, too.

You should laugh everywhere you can find even the slightest glimmer of humour.

Child pornography is the only crime that you cannot report to the police as an eyewitness.