What ever happened to freak shows? Back in the twenties when elephant man was born at least he had a job waiting for him.

There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life.

The internet has done nothing but good for comedy all around. Comedians no longer have to rely on TV execs and club owners deciding if they are funny or not.

I drink during every show. I can't remember the last show I did completely sober. It works for me. I use it as a tool. It's like steroids are for athletes. I'm looser and more self-confident. If I drank less, I wouldn't have been on stage this long.

Complaining that a comic is drunk is like going to a titty bar and complaining because your lapdancer is a communist.

The Unbookables are supposed to be unbookable. That's what it's all about.

I think a lot of women look at prostitutes like they're scabs crossing an union picket line, where they go: You can't just go out and sell it for what it's worth, we're holding out for so much more!