Life is like a movie, if you've sat through more than half of it and it’s sucked every second so far, it probably isn't going to get great right at the end and make it all worthwhile. None should blame you for walking out early.

There's a lot of meth [in Bisbee]. So there's an ex-cop-car Tahoe and a BE DRUG FREE van parked right in front of my house.

We have no healthcare and we have all the guns in the world, it makes you think twice before you start throwing punches in a bar.

"This is Lakshmi Singh." It's like a tadpole dying in muck. Take a drink. Wet your mouth.

In 20 years of comedy, I've probably had a dozen good points.

I love conspiracy theories. I used to just live on it. You know it's all hype and garbage, but you're still really paranoid afterwards. It's fun entertainment.

I have no answers, but every day I wish I could have the same point of view for any 24-hour period. I wish I was in some system where I don't constantly question myself.