I've been doing a lot of drugs in the last few weeks and drinking less, and I feel much better.

If I die soon, don't ever say I died too young.

They say 'life is precious'. To who? To you, when you're young and you've got a few dollars in your pocket. Tell that to the 90-year-old lying awake at the graveyard shift in the nursing home, groaning with dementia. The only reason he hasn't killed himself is that he hasn't figured out a way he can do it with pudding.

"Close your mouth when you chew." That was my mother's big one.Why do people eat lunch together? I want to eat by myself. Chewing is one of the most revolting things to me. Wind makes me unnerved, too.

Separation of Church and State is the perineum of America and the episiotomy didn't hold.

I used to do boiler room telemarketing for a living, like hardcore fraud stuff that gets busted on 60 Minutes every week.

I was 23 with a mullet doing lots of jerk-off material.I can't look at the old tapes now.