I couldn't be a responsible enough parent if my kid was born with a new suit and a full-time job.

I'm pretty drunk and bored with yelling at the stone walls that are your minds.

Before modern medicine, would pussies just generally rot up inside you and fall out of you like spoiled oysters on the sidewalk?

I'd get demolitions experts to rig mother to implode like a skyscraper.

I don't ever want to become Bill Maher where I have to find some strong opinion on something just because it's in the news. That's the guy that comes off like you have to be angry every week about new topics and snotty about something. That's what I'm trying to avoid.

I couldn't possibly explain why the common person would be against something like that. It's all rooted in sexual hang-ups. The whole institution of marriage itself really has no place in a progressive society. I don't know why anyone would want to get married heterosexually, so why they'd be against homosexual marriage is flummoxing. I only use that word when I'm talking to someone from the British press.

They never differentiate between drug users and drug addicts... I've done most drugs there are socially, I never had a problem.