The whole institution of marriage itself really has no place in a progressive society.

I have a picture I keep in my wallet of my father's corpse... I keep that picture in my wallet to show people who show me baby pictures.

Tradition and heritage are all dead people's baggage, stop carrying it. Move forward.

The internet has done nothing but good for comedy all around. Comedians no longer have to rely on TV execs and club owners deciding if they are funny or not.

Life is like a movie, if you've sat through more than half of it and it’s sucked every second so far, it probably isn't going to get great right at the end and make it all worthwhile. None should blame you for walking out early.

Some people just join the military because they need college money. Then they're idiots and college wasn't going to help.

If I die soon, don't ever say I died too young.