The whole institution of marriage itself really has no place in a progressive society.

The only legitimate excuse you could have for having a baby in those dire, war torn, famine struck conditions - would be to eat it.

I couldn't be a responsible enough parent if my kid was born with a new suit and a full-time job.

Pussy really is the ultimate motivator of all mankind. No, don't clap, this is a flaw in the system!

Sex is free fun for poor people.

I have a picture I keep in my wallet of my father's corpse... I keep that picture in my wallet to show people who show me baby pictures.

Here's the path to sobriety: Play the Ron Paul drinking game. Watch CNN and take a drink every time someone says his name.