I need you to love me, I don't like me, either, if that helps.
Doing stand-up takes the fun out of being funny.
There should be no such thing as a vice law. Every vice is only a bad habit, and the punishment is inherent in the act.
I drank, smoked and did drugs to get where I'm at.
I have the kind of show that reminds you of your problems, and then I talk about other problems you didn't even know you had until tonight.
The Unbookables are supposed to be unbookable. That's what it's all about.