I'm just funnier when I'm drunk. Not falling-down drunk, just drunk enough to lose the self-doubt.

You're born absolutely free except for laws of nature, if you drink you get drunk, that's a law, if you get old you die, that's a law too; if you sit on a tack you will bleed from the ass, these are the only laws that you're born with.

I've jammed enough things up my own ass just trying to come on any amphetamine based narcotic.

Mutations are exciting. They try to fix 'em when they come out. Did you see the two-headed baby they killed last month when they tried to cut it apart? That was hilarious!

They never differentiate between drug users and drug addicts... I've done most drugs there are socially, I never had a problem.

Did you ever try to sleep sober?

Charlie Chaplin said something to the effect that humor is an act of defiance, that we must laugh in the face of our helplessness in the forces of nature or go insane. And where is he now? Dead.