We must not suppose that, because a man is a rational animal, he will, therefore, always act rationally; or, because he has such or such a predominant passion, that he will act invariably and consequentially in pursuit of it. No, we are complicated machines; and though we have one main spring that gives motion to the whole, we have an infinity of little wheels, which, in their turns, retard, precipitate, and sometime stop that motion.

I'm in a perfect position. I don't want to be more famous and I can't lose sponsors, so I can say anything I want.

I had no musical or athletic ability, and I wasnt particularly good looking. Comedy was something I could do for attention.

I drank, smoked and did drugs to get where I'm at.

Comedy is like music; it builds on itself. Once someone comes up with a theory or a different way of doing things, people start to mimic it on some level. That's why you go back to the guys you loved in the 80s... and it just seems tired now, because it was all foundation.

Statistical high Vegas odds probability is that nothing of any significance will ever happen to you in your entire boring life.

If you're going to kill yourself just do me one favor: say it was because of my act. Can you do that? I need the press.