Every 17 seconds a child dies on this planet from no clean drinking water. Good. Let's try to speed it up... there are too many people.

Child pornography is the only crime that you cannot report to the police as an eyewitness.

Nothing against comedy clubs, they work. But when you're sitting with a tablecloth and a candle and an appetizer menu, three-drink minimum, it can feel more like a dinner theater than a live experience.

Don't eat a mushroom stem and see colors, eat the whole bag and see GOD

At least black people knew when they were slaves; you remain clueless.

He's my usual type of fan... a school shooter who didn't have bullets and now he's all awkward and alone.

I'd get demolitions experts to rig mother to implode like a skyscraper.