People who want to kill other people are the last people I want to party with, because I get mouthy when I drink.

Did you ever try to sleep sober?

Democracy is the worst kind of government, I'm sorry. Would you still call yourself a Christian if they elected a new Jesus every four years?

Man, it just cost me five dollars to beat my own meat... God bless the United States of America.

If I was a freak of nature... Hell yeah I wanna do freak shows! I don't wanna be applying for jobs at the mall.

"This is Lakshmi Singh." It's like a tadpole dying in muck. Take a drink. Wet your mouth.

There's nothing funnier than getting a death threat via MySpace. Why don't you just write it in a children's birthday card.