Excess in moderation: don't drink a few beers every day after work, wait 'till the end of the month and drink all the beers at once.

It is a great advantage for any man to be able to talk or hear, neither ignorantly nor absurdly, upon any subject; for I have known people, who have not said one word, hear ignorantly and absurdly; it has appeared by their inattentive and unmeaning faces.

Right at the end of the big wall of vibrators, $29.95, big rubber fist. Thirty bucks! Just in time for mothers day.

If you get offended by words - by noises we make with our mouths - it means you were raised by bad parents.

I'm just funnier when I'm drunk. Not falling-down drunk, just drunk enough to lose the self-doubt.

I'm a bit of a potty mouth. My dad used to wash out my mouth with soap, but that was just to get rid of any traces of his DNA.

I've had six or eight hookers in my life. I never woke up the next day thinking man I'm glad I got a hooker last night.