Excess in moderation: don't drink a few beers every day after work, wait 'till the end of the month and drink all the beers at once.

I have the kind of show that reminds you of your problems, and then I talk about other problems you didn't even know you had until tonight.

Old people always tell you: 'When you've been around as long I have, then you can argue.' As soon as they're ripped off, it's a different story.

Whatever your problems are, keep in mind that you die at the end of all this. Lets get out there, brutalize ourselves and laugh at those certain pricks who take it seriously, like there is any way to win in all this.

I was 23 with a mullet doing lots of jerk-off material.I can't look at the old tapes now.

Unfortunately this is where comedy works, where people are the most miserable.

You forget, when you're in the Scandinavian countries, you forget they don't speak English first and they speak better than I do.