I immediately split the crowd. I thought about coming on every night and shouting, 'Gay pride, white power!' just to confuse people.

Even your religious friends do not want to hear about God during a medical diagnosis.

One UK paper described me as a "miserablist", a word I'd never heard before or since. I looked it up and it means someone who can only be happy when they are miserable. Perfect.

You're born absolutely free except for laws of nature, if you drink you get drunk, that's a law, if you get old you die, that's a law too; if you sit on a tack you will bleed from the ass, these are the only laws that you're born with.

If I die soon, don't ever say I died too young.

The catholic church has a lot more money than any Colombian cartel and they leave a lot more bodies in their wake.

I'm just funnier when I'm drunk. Not falling-down drunk, just drunk enough to lose the self-doubt.