I drank, smoked and did drugs to get where I'm at.

Excess in moderation: don't drink a few beers every day after work, wait 'till the end of the month and drink all the beers at once.

I'm not a marijuana user, so I always feel kind of fraudulent. I applaud this, I do recreational drugs, but marijuana's never one of those. People think because I talk about drugs, that I smoke pot. But I don't.

I love playing in the UK because there are some topics that you just can't talk about in the States without getting run out of town. So let me just say this: Louis C. K.'s new show sucks.

If you really believe death leads to eternal bliss then why are you wearing a seatbelt?

As long as the people who kinda wanna go kill other people are going to go kill other people who kinda wanna go kill other people, you're killing all the right people and opening up all the best parking spaces.

There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life.