I love when you get boner spam for boner pills and the subject is Be a better lover. Oh, the boner was the problem on that? That's why I'm a bad lover? Do you have a pill that's gonna make me care if she cums? That would be a medical miracle.

Controversial issues are always more interesting but I don't create material about a subject I have opinion on just because it's controversial. The most fun is having a point of view that the audience is generally against and presenting an argument that challenges their thinking.

If you're offended by any word in any language, it's probably because your parents were unfit to raise a child.

If you really believe death leads to eternal bliss then why are you wearing a seatbelt?

All illegal narcotics are medicinal. Boredom is a disease worse than cancer. Drugs cure it, with little or no side effects if used as directed. Life's temporary for a reason, it gets boring after awhile. You should be inventing new drugs is what you should be doing! Newer, crazier drugs... and more holes, that's what you ladies need!

You should laugh everywhere you can find even the slightest glimmer of humour.

[Stand-up] might be ballsy, but I'd rather not be an actor. Actors are tools.