Jesus died for your sins. I'm doing it for your mere entertainment dollar.

The ultimate act of cowardice is the fat-headed wrestling guy sitting behind the frail kid in math class, clipping him on the ear, saying: 'What are you going to do about that, faggot?' That is cowardice. When the bullets start flying past that jock's saucer-shaped ears, that's not cowardice. That's payback.

I used to do boiler room telemarketing for a living, like hardcore fraud stuff that gets busted on 60 Minutes every week.

When I used to drive on the road from L. A., one time in Arizona we went off-road to see what weird little towns are around. Loved Bisbee.

Man, it just cost me five dollars to beat my own meat... God bless the United States of America.

I am a very mediocre intellect, at best, and I am smarter than most people I know - and that terrifies me.

Excess in moderation: don't drink a few beers every day after work, wait 'till the end of the month and drink all the beers at once.