At least black people knew when they were slaves; you remain clueless.

I immediately split the crowd. I thought about coming on every night and shouting, 'Gay pride, white power!' just to confuse people.

I hate when your friends quit drinking on you, don't you? It's sad. I've lost more friends to AA than Liberace did to the virus. It's sad to see 'em go. You see a thirty day chip on your buddy's key ring, it's like seeing a toe tag on his cold, stiff corpse.

I drank, smoked and did drugs to get where I'm at.

There's only two types of people who are against drugs: the people who have never done drugs and the people who really sucked at doing drugs.

I'm just funnier when I'm drunk. Not falling-down drunk, just drunk enough to lose the self-doubt.

A real cop fights real crime. A vice cop's only job is to ruin the party.