Statistical high Vegas odds probability is that nothing of any significance will ever happen to you in your entire boring life.

You should laugh everywhere you can find even the slightest glimmer of humour.

Every vice is already a punishment in itself... you don't need a ticket on top of it.

I love when you get boner spam for boner pills and the subject is Be a better lover. Oh, the boner was the problem on that? That's why I'm a bad lover? Do you have a pill that's gonna make me care if she cums? That would be a medical miracle.

What I've lost in years I've gained in wisdom. Bullshit, I haven't learnt one thing in the last 15 years that hasn't just depressed me more.

I am a very mediocre intellect, at best, and I am smarter than most people I know - and that terrifies me.

I used to be a partier, now I'm an alcoholic. It's all in who's judging you.