Trust me, kids - your homework can wait. Don't need to be doing homework while Whose Line is on; skip it!

I wanted to do a show based on what my life would be like if I had never become a comedian.

I never thought I was a libertarian until I picked up Reason magazine and realized I agree with everything they had printed.

In any other job, they're truck drivers. In show-biz, they're Transportation Captains.

I always run in the morning on an empty stomach, and I'll go through a bottle and a half of water. Then I have a protein drink or I eat egg whites.

Living in Hollywood, you can get disconnected from everybody. You can feel like you are the only one.

It sucks being fat, you know.