Like I said, all comedy is based on exaggeration, big or small, whatever you can get away with.

The people of Cleveland hate soccer. But it's my favourite thing and I follow the U.S. men's national team around when they play whenever I can.

The economy is in trouble, schools are in trouble, and people have been leaving the city in droves for a long, long time.

I don't run outside, honestly. Sometimes I go out around my house, but mainly it's the stupid treadmill. I wish I had a better answer, but I'm very businesslike about my runs.

Listen, you don't know any better so I'll just tell you. You can't try to save money by not having the right beer. You know, you can skip having medical insurance, you can buy everything you own at a swap meet but the right beer is what makes living like this possible.

Eating crappy food isn't a reward -- it's a punishment.

Nothing's funny about someone who's successful.