Like I said, all comedy is based on exaggeration, big or small, whatever you can get away with.

I am happy that I ran the half-marathon, but to me, just running and saying that I finished a race isn't enough for me. I want to run the race as best as I can. Working out for pants size isn't enough. I need a goal or a race to get back on the treadmill every day.

I love Las Vegas. I like that Las Vegas has everything. Everything and anything you want to do, you can do in Las Vegas.

Libertarians are conservatives who still get high.

The Marines gave me a really strong sense of discipline and a work ethic that kicks in at my job.

Who ever thought that the world-famous Captain Obvious was really mild-mannered Colin Mochrie?

I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what they think of me?'