I'm down to earth; people sense that and they appreciate it.

The only way I'd need a pain reliever to enjoy sex is if all of my fantasies came true at the same time.

Eating crappy food isn't a reward -- it's a punishment.

I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what they think of me?'

People laugh to forget their troubles, and to forget their troubles they like to look at people who aren't doing better than they are.

I'd buy joke books and try doing them at school; I always had jokes. That would be my go-to thing at parties: I'd be able to get through them if I just told enough jokes. Otherwise, I wouldn't end up talking to anybody.

I always thought I was going to die before I was 60.