It doesn't matter how smart you are; to audition for 'Jeopardy,' you just have to luck out and know what they're asking you that day.

I loved the old stories in National Lampoon, like the original story the movie Vacation was based on. I used to laugh at them until I cried.

Isn't it amazing that the Germans call their city halls 'rat houses'? That's what we should call our city halls!

I'd buy joke books and try doing them at school; I always had jokes. That would be my go-to thing at parties: I'd be able to get through them if I just told enough jokes. Otherwise, I wouldn't end up talking to anybody.

Nothing's funny about someone who's successful.

After all, game shows are not like working in a coal mine.

Everybody in Hollywood loves symbolic gestures.