My cranky cardiologist says I'm destined to die in the kitchen.

The first Monopoly game I played with my brothers, I hated losing so much, I just had to beat them.

TV is easier: it's all planned out for you, and the audience is there to see a show and they are all pumped up, but when you are in a comedy club, you have to be really funny to win them over. To me, that's more pure.

I love Las Vegas. I like that Las Vegas has everything. Everything and anything you want to do, you can do in Las Vegas.

In any other job, they're truck drivers. In show-biz, they're Transportation Captains.

When I thought I was retired, I wanted to travel around the world and watch soccer games.

As far as exercising goes... watch for my next book, How I died while Jogging.