You know what I worry about? I worry that when I hit my head, it pushes my hair into my brain, and it will eventually kill me.

There's a game called Checkout where there's grocery items and it's how much you think the manufacturer's suggested retail price is and we add up your total, then your total has to be within $2 of the regular total. I don't think I could ever win that game.

George Carlin is kind of my template now because George Carlin before was straight laced regular comic and he had short hair, a tie, suit, nightclub guy. Then he said screw it, let his hair grow, just started telling what he thought was the truth. So that's what I'm trying to do.

I used to go to the Cleveland Comedy Club all the time. If there was a comic I liked, I'd go see him two or three times that week. Bob Saget was one of those guys.

Nothing's funny about someone who's successful.

I do get the comics online I guess but it's such a pain. I'd rather just get them in the paper and read them.

I can't do that. I'm already the single guy living in his parents' house. I can't be seen digging a grave in the middle of the night.